Competent or likable. I read an article this morning that cited a study finding that women in the public sphere are perceived as either competent or likable but not both. I have not been able to stop thinking about it. What do you think?
I remember being in the gifted program in school, graduating fifth in my high school class, winning debate team awards and getting one of the three highest grades on a brutal advanced calculus exam. Competency was never an issue. But I never won any popularity contests. I was never prom queen, never voted miss anything by anyone, never considered one of the pretty girls the guys asked out. If you needed help with your homework, essay, or a test, sure we could study, but beyond that not so much.
And now? In the yoga world I get more comments about people not liking my voice, disapproving of my outfits, make-up, car choice, and a long list of everything else. Some people say I’m too advanced to be relatable. But rarely is my competence questioned.
And I wouldn’t change a thing. If there is choice between competency or likability, I choose competence every single time. I’d rather get things done, make a difference in the world and have everyone hate me or think I’m a bitch then spend one more second worrying about whether I am likable. But maybe one day we will live in a world where women can be both likable and competent, a world where a strong woman can be both celebrated, cherished and respected. Maybe that agreeable, smiley, cool-girl persona is just a ruse and we will wake up to the strong, powerful, world-shakers that women really are. Maybe, just maybe, one day, it won’t matter whether you’re a man or a woman, it will just matter whether you’re a good person and you can get the job done.
Be strong enough not to be liked. Life is more than a popularity contest. Drop the need to be liked and just be yourself. 🌟
.#practiceyogachangeyourworld #onebreathatatime
Photo by @yogiyannii Outfit by @omstarsapparel 🌟
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(at Miami Beach, Florida)
Well i think you are both and more❤❤
